Numbness vs. pain

I wish I could go back to feeling numb again.
-Would you really want to be numb?
No I hate it. 
I can't even describe how sad I feel. But I think the numbness is coming back. I hate this so much.
-It's going to be okay baby. You get used to that person not being around anymore.
I really do hate love.
-You don't hate love. You hate people.

-And what do you do with feelings? Exactly. Nothing. Push them aside. Pretend they don't exist. It's the best. It's the easiest. Love is just a drug.

And you get addicted. God, drugs are amazing once you don't have a slightest idea you're addicted. 


I hate love.
I just hate it so much.
It hurts people. It hurts everyone.
I see a woman feeling lonely next to a man she knows. Next to someone she's been married to for years.
I see a man, not sure how to please her. How to make her happy.
I see a mom, having a hard time loving her daughter.
I see a daughter, trying to be good enough to be loved. Trying to love for two.
I see a girl that has stopped believing. A girl that has lost her fate.
I see a boy wanting to love her. Not being able to show her that. Not wanting to. For he has been hurt, showing his emotions, baring himself.

I see people trying to love, failing.
And I see those who don't try.
Those who got hurt so badly they can't bear being let down again,
And those who aren't even willing to try. Because they know. They have heard about the pain loving brings and they aren't inflicting it on  themselves.

And yet, deep down I still believe. I believe in love. And I know I'd choose the pain over the numbness. Because hurting means loving. And loving means feeling. And feeling is being alive.

Komentarji

Objavite komentar

Priljubljene objave iz tega spletnega dnevnika

One of the love letters

This is a late love letter to you. A boy that's moved on. A boy that ended up being a summer fling, even though I wanted you to be so much more. I don't miss you anymore.. You are just a distant memory, burried somewhere in the back of my brain because having you on my mind hurt too much. You're gone. The pain has disappeared. But sometimes you come back in flashbacks and I do still think of you. I heard your song today and it made me cry. It reminded me of you and what you meant to me. You were the first guy I saw in my future. The first guy I knew I wanted to love. The first one I wanted to give my all to. I know you won't see this but I wish I was brave enough to send it to you (or that it wouldn't sound silly and cringe). It was just like a movie. We've met after 10 years and the moment I saw you I knew I was screwed. Maybe you've felt the same way. I loved going out with you. You were always such a gentleman and I felt amazing the first time
Preberite več

Some day you will live

 I'm tired. Tired of being broken and tired of breaking myself. Why do you do it? Because it hurts even more when someone else does it. If it hurts that much you should leave. But what if... What if some day I'm sorry. What if I wake up and realise I messed it up because I didn't try hard enough. What if I miss my chance. What if no one makes me feel the way they did. You shouldn't be the only one trying. The only one hurting. Hiding it away. But if I was enough, everything would be different. If I was enough they wouldn't feel the need to replace me with other people. They wouldn't look for things I don't have. You don't get it. I just want to be good enough for someone. I want to be someone's happiness. Someone's favorite. Someone's best. You must be so tired. Sometimes it just feels like I'm too easy to let go. Like I'm nothing compared to those who came before me. Likely my flaws are so easy to spot. Like my every mi
Preberite več

Universe in us and us in universe

We will always have the stars. We'll always live under the same sky. I know that everywhere I am, we'll see the same moon and I'll always smile at the crescent because it reminds me of the glitter of your eyes. It makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, just like me you're standing under the great arch, admiring the little lights shinning. Into eternity that is beyond us. I'm waiting for the time to come when you'll hold me in your arms again. When they will be the first thing we will see as we look up. I can't tell you  how I dream about the nights I want to spend looking at the sky and learning new constellations,  making stories, talking about the theories, about God and Big Bang and the forces of universe. About gases forming the bodies of the space. About every person being a sprinkle of the stardust. About the eyes that reflect the light. How they are no different than the moon itself. About the warmth in my chest when I'm with you bein
Preberite več