A lonely dandelion

We will always have the stars. We'll always live under the same sky. I know that everywhere I am, we'll see the same moon and I'll always smile at the crescent because it reminds me of the glitter of your eyes. It makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, just like me you're standing under the great arch, admiring the little lights shinning. Into eternity that is beyond us. I'm waiting for the time to come when you'll hold me in your arms again. When they will be the first thing we will see as we look up. I can't tell you  how I dream about the nights I want to spend looking at the sky and learning new constellations,  making stories, talking about the theories, about God and Big Bang and the forces of universe. About gases forming the bodies of the space. About every person being a sprinkle of the stardust. About the eyes that reflect the light. How they are no different than the moon itself. About the warmth in my chest when I'm with you bein...

 I'm tired. Tired of being broken and tired of breaking myself. Why do you do it? Because it hurts even more when someone else does it. If it hurts that much you should leave. But what if... What if some day I'm sorry. What if I wake up and realise I messed it up because I didn't try hard enough. What if I miss my chance. What if no one makes me feel the way they did. You shouldn't be the only one trying. The only one hurting. Hiding it away. But if I was enough, everything would be different. If I was enough they wouldn't feel the need to replace me with other people. They wouldn't look for things I don't have. You don't get it. I just want to be good enough for someone. I want to be someone's happiness. Someone's favorite. Someone's best. You must be so tired. Sometimes it just feels like I'm too easy to let go. Like I'm nothing compared to those who came before me. Likely my flaws are so easy to spot. Like my every mi...

I met someone new. I finally felt close to happiness again. I actually forgot about you for a while. I just felt the music and moved with it, leaving my head so wonderfully empty. I screamed the lyrics on the top of my lungs and danced through the night. I felt free. I felt like I belonged in the crowd. To the music. I didn't think of you. And I felt a litttle bit of hope in someone's shy smile that kept on growing bigger. In someone's blushing cheeks I found joy. In someone's shimmering eyes I found relief. But like always when the music stops, the darkness returns. It settles in my chest and makes it hard to breathe.. I met someone new. A guy I know is crazy for me. A guy that would do anything to make it happen. A guy ready to try. But I am having a hard time giving him a chance. I do like him. He is all adorable and he has a cute smile, he's been so sweet. He believes in us. But he is not you. My friends say I should let you go. I can't. I need ...

I wish I could go back to feeling numb again. -Would you really want to be numb? No I hate it.  I can't even describe how sad I feel. But I think the numbness is coming back. I hate this so much. -It's going to be okay baby. You get used to that person not being around anymore. I really do hate love. -You don't hate love. You hate people. -And what do you do with feelings? Exactly. Nothing. Push them aside. Pretend they don't exist. It's the best. It's the easiest. Love is just a drug. And you get addicted. God, drugs are amazing once you don't have a slightest idea you're addicted.  I hate love. I just hate it so much. It hurts people. It hurts everyone. I see a woman feeling lonely next to a man she knows. Next to someone she's been married to for years. I see a man, not sure how to please her. How to make her happy. I see a mom, having a hard time loving her daughte...

I want him back so badly. I promise not to show feelings. I promise I'll pretend to be okay. Just bring him back to me. Please. He made me feel safe. He never used me. He showed me affection. He's been there for me. He still is. He treated me right. He made me feel. But I ruined it all. I ruined it with my feelings. I shouldn't feel. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. It would have been so much easier. I could listen to him talking for hours, while watching his lips move and form and excited smile while he talked about something he liked. His lips just fit mine. Our tongues moved simulatenously. We knew each other. We knew every spot of each other's bodies. We just fit. I know he felt it. He said he never felt anything so powerful before. But then why isnt he here? Cause he can't handle it. Cause he doesn't want to. Why isn't he trying harder for you? To see you? To express his feelings? Exactly. He is not ready. I think yo...

I've been scared. When you leave I feel so small and melancholic instead of happy and excited as when you're near. Everytime you go, I get so afraid. My head keeps on playing different scenarios and the past keeps on repeating.  (I hope you don't read this, but at the same time I hope you do, so you'll know what is it, that keeps me up at night) I can understand why you're not in for a relationship. But baby this is getting serious. I'm falling for you. And I'd like you to be there for me, cause I don't wanna crash and collapse all over again. You see the truth is, my fear is pretty rational. I've been reliving a certain pattern again and again. When I like someone I want to give my all to them. And I do. I invest my time. I do everything I can to have them. Sometimes I get a little bit back. A little bit of attention. Of affection. Not much, just enough to get by. And I feel like a flower, that gets some raindrops to live, but not enough...

I've always loved dandelions. Even before I could understand the meaning I now put to the word. First of all they are yellow. My favourite colour. Who would've thought. The all-in-black kid admiring the sunniest colour. The colour of positivity, joy, the colour of happy souls. Of hope. And the flower itself. The little bud that doesn't get noticed among the other rich blossoms with enticing smells. But the dandelion  stands there. Not aware of its beauty. Humble. An when it's dark it's still there, pushing his bulb high, trying to reach the sky. And when it gets cold, when all the other flowers bow their heads and disappear within the leaves, the dandelion stays. And as if it's not enough, the yellow head turns into a lovely clock. One that the children rely on for the time and one that makes even the adults laugh when the small seeds get stuck in their hair, whilst others find their way towards the sun. It stands for the freedom. But sometimes I fee...