The pattern

I've been scared. When you leave I feel so small and melancholic instead of happy and excited as when you're near.
Everytime you go, I get so afraid. My head keeps on playing different scenarios and the past keeps on repeating.
 (I hope you don't read this, but at the same time I hope you do, so you'll know what is it, that keeps me up at night)

I can understand why you're not in for a relationship. But baby this is getting serious. I'm falling for you. And I'd like you to be there for me, cause I don't wanna crash and collapse all over again.

You see the truth is, my fear is pretty rational. I've been reliving a certain pattern again and again.
When I like someone I want to give my all to them. And I do. I invest my time. I do everything I can to have them.
Sometimes I get a little bit back. A little bit of attention. Of affection. Not much, just enough to get by. And I feel like a flower, that gets some raindrops to live, but not enough to blossom.

So we get close. We go out a lot, we kiss, we cuddle, we makeout, we touch. We act just like every other couple. With a key difference. We're not one.
Sometimes it feels good not to have a label. But it makes it harder too.
A loose bond is always easier to break.

And I always end up turning my face away from them, hiding the tears in my eyes when I hear about their new person. And I realise I didn't know that I have already kissed them for the last time.

So can you understand? Do you see what I'm afraid for?
But you can't promise me to stay, can you?



That's okay, I'm still gonna keep on loving you.