A lonely dandelion

I'm tired. Exhausted, really. I write about all those epic stories that live in my memory. And I write about the bitter endings.  I'm tired of it. I am tired of turning pain into something beautiful as art or poetry when pain is never beautiful. It's ugly, cruel and bitter. As I read the old pages of my diary I often sigh at scenes of love, at midnight kisses, at dancing in the rain, at red rosses. It is a fairytale for a little girl that lost touch with reality after reading so many novels with princes charmings. It's a girl that expects a happy ever after and all she ever ends up with is once upon a time. My pen is leaking and the ink stains interline with the words. Sometimes intelligible, sometimes hidden.  It feels like a prison of mind. The same words are painted all over the walls and others are kept out of sight. I'm locked in with only rats and dust keeping me company. Alone. Isolated.  Sometimes that doesn't sound lonely. Sometimes I can live with myse...

She couldn't get him out of her head. She didn't believe in love at first sight. That's crazy. But she believed in the law of attraction. And in forces pushing you toward somebody. And that somebody was him. From far away he wasn't very special. But something about him made it impossible for her to look away. She couldn't stop. And he didnt mind. He returned her glances and her smiles. He was drawn to her too. She talked to her like she was one of his old connaissances. He joked and teased. And just the wrong way it should be, introduced himself when he left. Now she kept thinking about him. the way his hand reached for hers, the way he looked to her and said "I know your name", the way he smiled. She couldn't tell the color of his eyes but she knew they had to be beautiful. She believed in fate. Now I'm here. Now you're on my mind. I think I like you. I think I might want you. No, I can't say I love you yet. I don't know what I wa...

This is a late love letter to you. A boy that's moved on. A boy that ended up being a summer fling, even though I wanted you to be so much more. I don't miss you anymore.. You are just a distant memory, burried somewhere in the back of my brain because having you on my mind hurt too much. You're gone. The pain has disappeared. But sometimes you come back in flashbacks and I do still think of you. I heard your song today and it made me cry. It reminded me of you and what you meant to me. You were the first guy I saw in my future. The first guy I knew I wanted to love. The first one I wanted to give my all to. I know you won't see this but I wish I was brave enough to send it to you (or that it wouldn't sound silly and cringe). It was just like a movie. We've met after 10 years and the moment I saw you I knew I was screwed. Maybe you've felt the same way. I loved going out with you. You were always such a gentleman and I felt amazing the first time...

We will always have the stars. We'll always live under the same sky. I know that everywhere I am, we'll see the same moon and I'll always smile at the crescent because it reminds me of the glitter of your eyes. It makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, just like me you're standing under the great arch, admiring the little lights shinning. Into eternity that is beyond us. I'm waiting for the time to come when you'll hold me in your arms again. When they will be the first thing we will see as we look up. I can't tell you  how I dream about the nights I want to spend looking at the sky and learning new constellations,  making stories, talking about the theories, about God and Big Bang and the forces of universe. About gases forming the bodies of the space. About every person being a sprinkle of the stardust. About the eyes that reflect the light. How they are no different than the moon itself. About the warmth in my chest when I'm with you bein...

 I'm tired. Tired of being broken and tired of breaking myself. Why do you do it? Because it hurts even more when someone else does it. If it hurts that much you should leave. But what if... What if some day I'm sorry. What if I wake up and realise I messed it up because I didn't try hard enough. What if I miss my chance. What if no one makes me feel the way they did. You shouldn't be the only one trying. The only one hurting. Hiding it away. But if I was enough, everything would be different. If I was enough they wouldn't feel the need to replace me with other people. They wouldn't look for things I don't have. You don't get it. I just want to be good enough for someone. I want to be someone's happiness. Someone's favorite. Someone's best. You must be so tired. Sometimes it just feels like I'm too easy to let go. Like I'm nothing compared to those who came before me. Likely my flaws are so easy to spot. Like my every mi...

I met someone new. I finally felt close to happiness again. I actually forgot about you for a while. I just felt the music and moved with it, leaving my head so wonderfully empty. I screamed the lyrics on the top of my lungs and danced through the night. I felt free. I felt like I belonged in the crowd. To the music. I didn't think of you. And I felt a litttle bit of hope in someone's shy smile that kept on growing bigger. In someone's blushing cheeks I found joy. In someone's shimmering eyes I found relief. But like always when the music stops, the darkness returns. It settles in my chest and makes it hard to breathe.. I met someone new. A guy I know is crazy for me. A guy that would do anything to make it happen. A guy ready to try. But I am having a hard time giving him a chance. I do like him. He is all adorable and he has a cute smile, he's been so sweet. He believes in us. But he is not you. My friends say I should let you go. I can't. I need ...

I wish I could go back to feeling numb again. -Would you really want to be numb? No I hate it.  I can't even describe how sad I feel. But I think the numbness is coming back. I hate this so much. -It's going to be okay baby. You get used to that person not being around anymore. I really do hate love. -You don't hate love. You hate people. -And what do you do with feelings? Exactly. Nothing. Push them aside. Pretend they don't exist. It's the best. It's the easiest. Love is just a drug. And you get addicted. God, drugs are amazing once you don't have a slightest idea you're addicted.  I hate love. I just hate it so much. It hurts people. It hurts everyone. I see a woman feeling lonely next to a man she knows. Next to someone she's been married to for years. I see a man, not sure how to please her. How to make her happy. I see a mom, having a hard time loving her daughte...

I want him back so badly. I promise not to show feelings. I promise I'll pretend to be okay. Just bring him back to me. Please. He made me feel safe. He never used me. He showed me affection. He's been there for me. He still is. He treated me right. He made me feel. But I ruined it all. I ruined it with my feelings. I shouldn't feel. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. It would have been so much easier. I could listen to him talking for hours, while watching his lips move and form and excited smile while he talked about something he liked. His lips just fit mine. Our tongues moved simulatenously. We knew each other. We knew every spot of each other's bodies. We just fit. I know he felt it. He said he never felt anything so powerful before. But then why isnt he here? Cause he can't handle it. Cause he doesn't want to. Why isn't he trying harder for you? To see you? To express his feelings? Exactly. He is not ready. I think yo...

I've been scared. When you leave I feel so small and melancholic instead of happy and excited as when you're near. Everytime you go, I get so afraid. My head keeps on playing different scenarios and the past keeps on repeating.  (I hope you don't read this, but at the same time I hope you do, so you'll know what is it, that keeps me up at night) I can understand why you're not in for a relationship. But baby this is getting serious. I'm falling for you. And I'd like you to be there for me, cause I don't wanna crash and collapse all over again. You see the truth is, my fear is pretty rational. I've been reliving a certain pattern again and again. When I like someone I want to give my all to them. And I do. I invest my time. I do everything I can to have them. Sometimes I get a little bit back. A little bit of attention. Of affection. Not much, just enough to get by. And I feel like a flower, that gets some raindrops to live, but not enough...

I've always loved dandelions. Even before I could understand the meaning I now put to the word. First of all they are yellow. My favourite colour. Who would've thought. The all-in-black kid admiring the sunniest colour. The colour of positivity, joy, the colour of happy souls. Of hope. And the flower itself. The little bud that doesn't get noticed among the other rich blossoms with enticing smells. But the dandelion  stands there. Not aware of its beauty. Humble. An when it's dark it's still there, pushing his bulb high, trying to reach the sky. And when it gets cold, when all the other flowers bow their heads and disappear within the leaves, the dandelion stays. And as if it's not enough, the yellow head turns into a lovely clock. One that the children rely on for the time and one that makes even the adults laugh when the small seeds get stuck in their hair, whilst others find their way towards the sun. It stands for the freedom. But sometimes I fee...

For some crazy reason you texted me that night and I did everything I could to keep the conversation going and it hasn't stopped since.  It wasn't even flirting then, Not for me. But I just felt so good finally meeting someone new and I was actually looking forward to hanging out with new friends. I had no idea there would be the sparkle. I was on my way to the classroom when I saw you in the hall talking to someone. And I felt that tingling feeling in my stomach growing stronger and stronger. I waited around just a bit longer so maybe you'd notice me. And you did. You smiled.  In that moment I knew. I've spent the next days wondering whether I'll get a chance to talk to you. And there was this party. A night when our lives finally interlaced, just the way our hands did in the dim light. We weren't sober and we weren't shy. When we locked lips I knew it was gonna be a night I'll remember, even though I was convinced you'd leave the ...

I’m scared of my feelings for you. I’ve fallen for you. Badly. And the way you’ve been looking at me gave me the same vibes. The way you’ve been kissing me. The way you’ve been holding me. The way you’ve been touching me. But you wanted to talk to me. And there we were. Sitting in the grass within the flowers, looking at the clouds. Your face turned towards mine and our eyes met. You wanted to know about us. About what I wanted us to be. And it was different than what you’ve wanted. That was the moment that turned it al around. It broke something in me. Why do you keep on kissing me if you’re planning on leaving my lips. Why do you keep holding me if you’re planning on letting me go. Why do you keep on touching me if you’re planning on touching someone else.

Here I am, going out with someone new. But still thinking of you. You can't see it, how could you. But my heart is breaking and I'm scared. I'm scared of not getting over you. I know you are the one I want to date, the one I want to be seen with. The one I want to tell my friends about. Please, please, please realise that it's you that I want. I want to kiss you. I want to love you. And I need you to love me. I need you to hold me. I can't feel you in my bed anymore. You didn't leave anything behind when you walked out of the door. There's just emptiness and pain. Please come back- You keep on haunting me. Whatever I do, you're there in the back of my head, waiting. And often, god so often you visit my mind and I can't get you out of there. I think about all the hours you've played your guitar for me. About the midnight when you taught me a song on a piano and we played videogames together. And I can't help but think of you when...

4th time seeing you My diary has been feeling up with you so this time I'll try not to make it about you. Well try and fail anyway. In the meadow just underneath the woods there's an old wooden bench. I wouldn't even call it a bench, it's more like an old piece of wood on a little pedestal. But it's a place. A place where the wanderer takes a break. A place where friends chat. A place where lovers stare in the horizon hand in hand. And a place where a lonely soul stops. The old bench is not special but the place is. You sit down and lock eyes with the puffy or maybe even stormy clouds for there are always some. Then your sight wonders to the tiny houses on the faraway hills and you feel you could pick them just like the flowers that surround you. Behind you there's a green green forest. Some might find it relieving and relaxing, others feel anxious with a dark monster creeping nearby, breathing down their necks. So the bench offers everything. To me it'...

I've never felt that kind of physical attraction between me and another person. When I first saw you I had no idea. There was loud music coming out of the speakers and I was dancing to my favourite songs, ignoring the pain in my knee, jumping up and down like crazy. But there you were. You were looking at me and I was looking at you. I smiled and you smiled back. It took you a long while to find some courage to finally ask me to dance. And even then there were no words spoken. You just reached for my hand and held my waist tight. I looked into your eyes and got lost in them. If someone asked I couldn't tell them what colour they were but it was the colour I loved. I liked watching your eyes. Seeing them and seeing you. You kissed my neck gently and I wanted more.Your lips moved to my earlobe and to the top of my forehead. It felt warm and safe. And once I got to feel your lips I needed to taste them too. I had no idea they'd be that soft and that your tongue would find...

Keep on loving, dear heart. I'll walk under the bright stars and I’ll suddenly think of you. It was you who I laughed with under them. It was you who I could lean my head on in the midnight field. It was you who drunkenly told me you liked my eyes more than the moon. It was you who caressed my hair gently. It was you who I snuggled with next to the campfire. It was you who kissed me in the moonlight and held me in the morning dew. It was always you. I liked you the day that I saw you. I was just a little girl with a stupid crush on a cute older guy but I got to meet you. And a year ago I’ve fallen in love with you. I got to hang out with you I even got to kiss you. Many times. But you’ve told me it’s nothing. And my heart shattered. You’ve been everything I’ve wanted. There’s no one I can compare to you. I like your smile. I love it how you look into my eyes when talking. How we can talk about anything and everything. How you tease me but afterward tell me I am good e...

Let me tell you a story. A story about a little girl that left her world to save the Wonderland. You know Alice right? The girl that was braver than any other one. The girl who was so selfless she left the land of her dreams. But if only she stayed... She could have fallen for the Hatter who was MAD about and for her. She could have never left his changing eyes, his crooked smile, his madness. She could love him as madly as he loved her. If only she stayed... Alice decided to grow up just like Wendy did. And there was her own Peter waiting for her but she couldn’t stay. Originally posted by fakevirtue So follow the white rabbit of your dream to take you to the place you want to go to. Fight the jealousy, hate, and all the unwelcome feelings that come reaching their claws for you as you would fight the Red Queen. Fall for the Hatter and get completely bonkers. And at the end, just smile wide as Cheshire cat and keep believing in as much as six impossible things bef...