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Words and sentences, sentences and stories

I'm tired. Exhausted, really. I write about all those epic stories that live in my memory. And I write about the bitter endings.  I'm tired of it. I am tired of turning pain into something beautiful as art or poetry when pain is never beautiful. It's ugly, cruel and bitter. As I read the old pages of my diary I often sigh at scenes of love, at midnight kisses, at dancing in the rain, at red rosses. It is a fairytale for a little girl that lost touch with reality after reading so many novels with princes charmings. It's a girl that expects a happy ever after and all she ever ends up with is once upon a time. My pen is leaking and the ink stains interline with the words. Sometimes intelligible, sometimes hidden.  It feels like a prison of mind. The same words are painted all over the walls and others are kept out of sight. I'm locked in with only rats and dust keeping me company. Alone. Isolated.  Sometimes that doesn't sound lonely. Sometimes I can live with myse
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She couldn't get him out of her head. She didn't believe in love at first sight. That's crazy. But she believed in the law of attraction. And in forces pushing you toward somebody. And that somebody was him. From far away he wasn't very special. But something about him made it impossible for her to look away. She couldn't stop. And he didnt mind. He returned her glances and her smiles. He was drawn to her too. She talked to her like she was one of his old connaissances. He joked and teased. And just the wrong way it should be, introduced himself when he left. Now she kept thinking about him. the way his hand reached for hers, the way he looked to her and said "I know your name", the way he smiled. She couldn't tell the color of his eyes but she knew they had to be beautiful. She believed in fate. Now I'm here. Now you're on my mind. I think I like you. I think I might want you. No, I can't say I love you yet. I don't know what I wa
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One of the love letters

This is a late love letter to you. A boy that's moved on. A boy that ended up being a summer fling, even though I wanted you to be so much more. I don't miss you anymore.. You are just a distant memory, burried somewhere in the back of my brain because having you on my mind hurt too much. You're gone. The pain has disappeared. But sometimes you come back in flashbacks and I do still think of you. I heard your song today and it made me cry. It reminded me of you and what you meant to me. You were the first guy I saw in my future. The first guy I knew I wanted to love. The first one I wanted to give my all to. I know you won't see this but I wish I was brave enough to send it to you (or that it wouldn't sound silly and cringe). It was just like a movie. We've met after 10 years and the moment I saw you I knew I was screwed. Maybe you've felt the same way. I loved going out with you. You were always such a gentleman and I felt amazing the first time
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Universe in us and us in universe

We will always have the stars. We'll always live under the same sky. I know that everywhere I am, we'll see the same moon and I'll always smile at the crescent because it reminds me of the glitter of your eyes. It makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, just like me you're standing under the great arch, admiring the little lights shinning. Into eternity that is beyond us. I'm waiting for the time to come when you'll hold me in your arms again. When they will be the first thing we will see as we look up. I can't tell you  how I dream about the nights I want to spend looking at the sky and learning new constellations,  making stories, talking about the theories, about God and Big Bang and the forces of universe. About gases forming the bodies of the space. About every person being a sprinkle of the stardust. About the eyes that reflect the light. How they are no different than the moon itself. About the warmth in my chest when I'm with you bein
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Some day you will live

 I'm tired. Tired of being broken and tired of breaking myself. Why do you do it? Because it hurts even more when someone else does it. If it hurts that much you should leave. But what if... What if some day I'm sorry. What if I wake up and realise I messed it up because I didn't try hard enough. What if I miss my chance. What if no one makes me feel the way they did. You shouldn't be the only one trying. The only one hurting. Hiding it away. But if I was enough, everything would be different. If I was enough they wouldn't feel the need to replace me with other people. They wouldn't look for things I don't have. You don't get it. I just want to be good enough for someone. I want to be someone's happiness. Someone's favorite. Someone's best. You must be so tired. Sometimes it just feels like I'm too easy to let go. Like I'm nothing compared to those who came before me. Likely my flaws are so easy to spot. Like my every mi
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Almost love story

I met someone new. I finally felt close to happiness again. I actually forgot about you for a while. I just felt the music and moved with it, leaving my head so wonderfully empty. I screamed the lyrics on the top of my lungs and danced through the night. I felt free. I felt like I belonged in the crowd. To the music. I didn't think of you. And I felt a litttle bit of hope in someone's shy smile that kept on growing bigger. In someone's blushing cheeks I found joy. In someone's shimmering eyes I found relief. But like always when the music stops, the darkness returns. It settles in my chest and makes it hard to breathe.. I met someone new. A guy I know is crazy for me. A guy that would do anything to make it happen. A guy ready to try. But I am having a hard time giving him a chance. I do like him. He is all adorable and he has a cute smile, he's been so sweet. He believes in us. But he is not you. My friends say I should let you go. I can't. I need
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Numbness vs. pain

I wish I could go back to feeling numb again. -Would you really want to be numb? No I hate it.  I can't even describe how sad I feel. But I think the numbness is coming back. I hate this so much. -It's going to be okay baby. You get used to that person not being around anymore. I really do hate love. -You don't hate love. You hate people. -And what do you do with feelings? Exactly. Nothing. Push them aside. Pretend they don't exist. It's the best. It's the easiest. Love is just a drug. And you get addicted. God, drugs are amazing once you don't have a slightest idea you're addicted.  I hate love. I just hate it so much. It hurts people. It hurts everyone. I see a woman feeling lonely next to a man she knows. Next to someone she's been married to for years. I see a man, not sure how to please her. How to make her happy. I see a mom, having a hard time loving her daughte
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